Rave - Dec. 2nd

The End of Flavored Vodka!

Well, we can hope anyway. In a move with stunned no one…since no one really cares, Amber Rose (hold your “who?” questions until the end, please) popped up on my television and hopefully signaled the end of awkwardly flavored vodkas. 

Smirnoff jumped the shark with this mess. There are so many wrongs that it never quite turns back into right. Let’s examine, shall we?

1. Amber Rose - in a nutshell, ex-strippah (and according to wikipedia, “model, artist, actress, and socialite”. Four quick snorts, then let’s move on) who used to kick it with Kanye and now resides on Wiz Khalifa’s bed sheets. 

2. The vodka - I get it, people like flavored drinks nowadays. I’m a traditionalist, so I draw the line at lemon. Maybe pear. But whipped cream and marshmallow fluff?! I think not. In fact, I know not. That sounds about as appetizing as asking this woman to scratch your back. 

3. The names - Whipped and Fluffed. Try again. 

4. The set - It seems like someone got their inspiration from a 90’s Puff Daddy video and a rave then decided to spring for some glitter cannons for good measure. 

5. The acting - Thank goodness Amber only has 17 words in this spot. Someone needs to call Central Casting and get them to send over a different bald girl. This one has some difficulties harnessing the power of speech. Also, she could have done better with those fake laughs, considering that she’s probably laughing all the way to the bank. Shoot, I need to dye my hair blonde and get on this train.