Rave - May 13th

Free laundry

This might sound like a weird one, but last night it was a gift from [insert deity of your choice]. I woke up on Wednesday morning with a row of bug bites on my arm. They itched, pretty badly. Instead of reacting like a normal person and putting some hydrocortisone on my arm, I immediately assumed my apartment was infested with bed bugs. That’s right. I must have rolled over in my sleep and clicked on the “crazy” switch.  (Although in my defense, you can’t ride the CTA without seeing an ad proclaiming “BED BUGS ARE BACK” and trying to get you to buy a mattress cover. The power of advertising!)

Anyway, I freaked out and proceeded to tear my clean room apart in a matter of minutes. It was probably very Faye Dunaway in Mommie Dearest (“This room is filthy. YOU are filthy. We’re going to clean this togethahhhh!”) Cut to me stripping the bed sheets while frantically trying to Google “signs of bed bugs” and “how do you get bed bugs?”

Thank goodness for the free laundry in my building. Otherwise I’d have bankrupted myself trying to clean everything. You never really know how much clothing you have until you lose your connection to reality and wash all your clothes.

Later I realized they were mosquito bites. I allowed the crazy to run loose for nothing.