December 2011
2 posts
November 2011
8 posts
Rave - Nov. 20th
Weekend in NYC
The weekend of the the 11th, I spent an amazing weekend in the Big Apple with friends, C & N.
It was such a quintessential New York weekend. Amazing fall weather, lots of walks in Central Park. Great restaurants and time with friends. No shopping, but only because I wasn’t sure how I’d get everything home if I started shopping. And also because large shopping...
Rant - Nov. 20
Flying Delta Airlines
Never again. Delta is #theworst. I happened upon a great rate to NYC and figured I’d take a chance. Normally I’m an American Airlines or United flyer, but thought, “Oh, this Delta flight is a bit less expensive. Why not?”
I’ll tell you why not. Flying Delta is what you do when you want to experience travel hell. Flying out of O’Hare, the...
Rave - Oct. 31st
This Halloween
Great Halloween. The Brown Elephant costume party was a success. The whole group of guys were First Ladies. I was Barbara Bush. (And let me tell you, Babs ain’t never looked so good.)
Rant - Oct. 31st
This Halloween
No rant. I WAS BARBARA FREAKIN’ BUSH. As Bush 1 would say, “A thousand points of light!”
Rave - Oct. 29th
Halloween
I think Halloween is an early Christmas gift. Without fail, the most amazing things happen when adults put on costumes. It’s like a performance of As You Like It and everyone is playing Rosalind. Once people put on a costume, they get to tap into the “true self” without feeling judged. “All the world’s a stage” indeed.
This year, I’m not sure what I am going to be. I’m attending a...
Rant - Oct. 29th
Halloween costume selection
Every year I say this and I mean it every year. Must women be relegated to “sexy [insert traditionally unsexy noun]” costumes? I don’t get it. The feminist in me is over it. It’s equal parts objectification and gender subjugation mixed with commercialism and a lack of creativity. The practical person in me (i.e. the Dad) thinks of how cold you must be, since your chi...
Rave - June 23rd
PRIDE WEEKEND
Oh yes, it’s that time again. The time when national supplies of glitter and flavored vodka run dangerously low. The time when the fringe (read: absolutely crazy) churches blow their budgets on trips to modern day Sodom (read: any city with a gay population.) The time when the UNST UNST UNST rings out clearly, beckoning all to it’s enveloping sounds.
Yes, my dears, Pride Weekend is...
Rant - June 23th
PRIDE AFTERMATH
The worst part about the parade is the way the neighborhood looks afterward. Oh, it’s awful. The only one who would enjoy it is Templeton. (Cue Paul Lynde’s best song ever. Then cue me singing it all day.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZau57XQAhU
It’s like a fleet of garbage trucks exploded all over Boystown. There is trash EVERYWHERE. It’s usually worse on Halsted, since that’s...
October 2011
2 posts
Rave - May 13th
Free laundry
This might sound like a weird one, but last night it was a gift from [insert deity of your choice]. I woke up on Wednesday morning with a row of bug bites on my arm. They itched, pretty badly. Instead of reacting like a normal person and putting some hydrocortisone on my arm, I immediately assumed my apartment was infested with bed bugs. That’s right. I must have rolled over in my...
Rant - May 13th
Backhanded compliments
I just hate these. More hate than a little bit. I don’t like them for multiple reasons. First, you don’t really process it right away so you say thank you like an idiot.
Insulter: “Oh, you got a haircut. I like it! Much better than what you were doing before.”
Victim: “Thanks! I got it done last night.”
Five seconds later, you realize you’ve been given a nametag which...
April 2011
4 posts
Rave - April 7th
One of my favorite people is in town for a conference and I got to see her last night. After getting over the fact that it has been almost three years since I’ve seen her smiling face, we frolicked. Jenni and I lived together with another friend, Katie, during my senior year at Miami. (Love and Honor!) I could not have asked for better roommates.
She’s in town for a week-long audiology conference...
Rant - April 7th
The dumb law students on the Red Line
Oh Lawdy Lawd. This one was alternately a rave and a rant. I was a bit torn on where to put this one. Got on the train around 10:30 after meeting up with Jenni. Now e’erybody knows that the Red Line at night is just as likely to be a complete caca show as the most boring quiet ride ever. This was meant to be a show of caca!
These two girls are sitting near the...
Rave - April 4th
The Purple Pig
So I didn’t go to this culinary gem last night, but for my belated birthday dinner with friends Shannon, Matt, and Ryan. Oh. My. Sweet. Baby. Jebus. Where has this place been all my life?
The whole concept is “nose to tail” pork cooking. I am so on board with this place. Ah-mazing. We went on a Saturday night at around 7:15 and waited for maybe 40 minutes. Not bad for a Saturday...
1 tag
Rant - April 4th
Stupid bus riders
This may not resonate with people who rarely ride public transportation, but anyone who relies on it to get around knows what I mean.
Got on the bus today and in typical fashion, it was crowded with morning commuters. All the seats were taken so I was standing. This I don’t mind. But my patience evaporates when I have to deal with people who can’t understand how a...
February 2011
6 posts
1 tag
Rave - February 18th
Gay B*tch Face
Yes. That’s right. Gay B*tch Face (hereafter known as GBF) is my rave of the day. It’s remarkably effective. While I don’t overuse it as a personal rule, I’ve been known to debut it when folks can’t act right. As one of my favorite Real Housewives of Atlanta would say, “you better come correct, boo.”
Try it. It’s remarkable. Someone...
1 tag
Rant - February 18th
Gay B*tch Face
But we can’t have GBF all the time. Honestly, fellow queerlings, try smiling now and then. I feel like every time I walk through Boystown, I’m surrounded by an army of guys who have never cracked a smile, ever.
Now it would be painting with broad strokes to say that every gay man puts this face on. There are exceptions to everything.
I have a some theories about...
1 tag
Rave - Feb. 15th
Hertz
I went home this weekend for family stuff. Like the good son I am, I took the weekend off work to be there.
At first, I thought about flying, and looked up some flights. A quick pffft to that idea, as it was crazy expensive on such short notice. After toying with the idea of Megabus, I figured I should drive instead.
Enter the research phase of the trip. I ended up bookmarking every car...
1 tag
Rant - Feb. 15th
The Basement Beasts
Ugh. The monsters which live in the garden apartment are at it again. Per usual, their bouncing bundle of screams is awake. Per usual, they have no idea how to quiet it. (I refer to it as “it” as I’ve never actually seen the thing.) Which means he/she will scream for 40 minutes while they scream at each other.
Lately they’ve started blaming me for...
1 tag
Rave - Feb. 8th
Winter should be ending soon!
I am thoroughly over the winter now. Lets be serious, I was over it about two weeks into December. I get sentimental about snow in August and am excited as a child for the first snow. Then I’m done. Over it. Moving on.
Except once winter begins in Chicago, it’s here for a spell. (Yes, a spell.)
Luckily, we’re in the middle-ish of February, which...
1 tag
Rant - Feb. 8th
Damn, snow again.
Because we haven’t all had it up to here with the snow in Chicago, it’s snowing again. Although in Mother Nature’s defense, it’s not so Day After Tomorrow as it was last week. This is Currier and Ives type snow - all light and purtyful.
But still. Can’t we get a break?! Last Tuesday I thought I was going to have to go all Donner Party on the...
January 2011
4 posts
1 tag
Rave - January 26th
THE RESTAURANT SERVER EDITION!!
In addition to my freelance, I wait tables. Having done this in college and through portfolio school, I feel able to lay down some opinions about the customers.
Things to do in a restaurant
1. Ask me questions. That’s why I’m here. I’d prefer you ask me questions about the food on the menu now rather than be dissatisfied later.
2. Treat me the...
1 tag
Rant - January 26th
Things not to do at a restaurant:
1. Impatiently say you’re ready to order, then mull it over while I stand there.
2. Ask me to repeat the side options for every person at the table. There are 15 of you and I have other tables waiting.
3. When I greet you, do me the courtesy of looking at me and responding. Unless you were raised by a pack of wild dogs, in which case this doesn’t...
1 tag
Rave - Jan. 4th
My clap clap clap of the day
First, my new must read website: thatswhyidumpedyou.com
It’s a-waitforit-mazing. Way too interesting. Especially the reasons which are awkwardly hilarious. My favorite? “You accidentally flew to Buffalo for a wedding in NYC.” The only problem with this is that I’m beginning to worry I’ll do something weird in my next relationship and end...
1 tag
Rant - Jan. 4th
These monstrous dogs with terrible owners
Again with the dogs and their poo times! It’s now taken a much more horrific turn. While on my brisk walk from the Belmont bus to my front door, I passed a dog poo on the sidewalk. It was so wrong for many reasons:
1. It was just laying on the sidewalk. There was grass available nearby. Couldn’t move your dog three inches to the left?
2. It...
December 2010
5 posts
1 tag
Rave - Dec. 15th (pt. 2)
Phrases of the Day
Because Kitty asked so nicely, phrases I often use:
Auf Wiedersehen, idiot. - usually paired with a raised eyebrow and head swivel.
What in _____ hell are you doing? (insert an intensifier as needed, e.g. “What in polyester hell are you doing?”)
Tore up from the floor up - for nouns which look truly busted in appearance or behavior.
I can’t - used when...
1 tag
Rave - Dec. 15th
Nonprofit Volunteers
I feel like they need a rave about their work. On my way home from the gym, I crossed into the path of a girl trying to get people to donate to Save the Children.
Immediately, I felt bad for her. It’s all of 14 degrees today, and no one wants to stop, not even for the poor chirruns. She caught me looking at her as I hurried past and tried to get me to stop. Luckily for...
1 tag
Rant - Dec. 15th
“Can I touch your hair?”
HellNoYouCan’t.
I’ve lost count of the number of times someone has asked me that. And the number of times someone just reaches over and touches without asking? I won’t even try to estimate.
Yes, I’m black and I’ve got fair features. Move on. It doesn’t mean my hair is a Brillo pad. It also doesn’t mean my hair feels...
1 tag
Rave - Dec. 9th
Dad’s Clothes
Oh the circle of life. I’m now at the point where I “borrow” clothes from my father. I make no apologies about this. It’s in the life cycle of every man. Eventually, your father’s clothes will either A) be back in vogue, B) be worn in enough to make them amazingly comfortable, or C) act as a symbol of the respect you have for him.
When I was...
1 tag
Rant - Dec. 9th
Homophobic Commercials
As a professed ad nerd, I pay close attention to commercials when they air. Lately I’ve noticed a rise in commercials which position their products as the “man brand.” These brands are for straight people. DO NOT BE CONFUSED - THEY ARE NOT FOR GAYS. Snickers, Snickers again, Old Spice, Bud Light, Miller Lite, and Arby’s have all done it before. Hell,...
November 2010
6 posts
1 tag
Rave - November 23 (vol. i)
Election season is (semi)over
I know, this happened awhile ago but roll with me. The midterms in Chicago were a real mess. Commercials, commercials, commercials with no real information.
“Candidate X dances with elves, burps rainbows, loves puppies, and will save the city!”
“Candidate X actually hates puppies, killed Santa, is a werewolf, and will ruin the city!”
...
1 tag
Rant - November 23 (vol. i)
The seemingly never-ending “holiday season”
I love the holidays. But I’m always surprised by how early the holidays make an appearance. This year, I started seeing decorations after Halloween. Thanksgiving isn’t even here and I’m already having to listen to adverblasting commercials about the joys of the holiday.
And while I *am* listening to holiday music,...
1 tag
Rave - November 23 (vol. ii)
Red
After seeing this movie, I wanted to see it again. The only thing I’ll say about it is that when I hit senior status, I’d like to be all of the characters rolled into one person. Well, maybe not Mary-Louise Parker. She didn’t really bring her A-game in this one. Definitely Morgan and Helen.
Trailer
1 tag
Rant - November 23 (vol. ii)
The Tourist
Specifically Angelina Jolie. Based on the premise, I should like this movie. Johnny Depp gets caught in the crosshairs of international espionage hunt, is bewildered, and says funny stuff.
Then I saw the the savior of the rainbow children. I let out a disappointed groan. Saint Angie opened her mouth and that horrid accent stumbled out. I immediately knew I’d be skipping this...
1 tag
Rave - November 23 (vol. iii)
T-minus 2 days to Turkey Day
Thanksgiving is probably my favorite holiday of the entire year. Think about it: a holiday devoted entirely to food, family, football, and thinking about how nice your life is. Plus, no one gets mad at you when you abruptly get up and declare, “I’m taking a nap.” It’s expected. Everybody wins.
This year I’ll be spending the holiday with...
1 tag
Rant - November 23 (vol. iii)
Chronic smartphone video-/photographers
Flash back to the opening of the Apple Store in Lincoln Park. I’m across the street at Burger Bar. All of a sudden, I look over and there are tons of people waiting in the plaza, all looking in the same direction. I assume it’s some Apple photo op.
No. Turns out a taxi pulled a u-ey and slammed into a Jetta. I go outside, check to see if...
October 2010
6 posts
Rave - October 18th
Attack of the Baby Singers
The singing chirruns are taking over the world. By the world, I mean the music industry. I’m serious. Their arrival intrigues me. (‘Intrigues’ is code for ‘horrifies’, but still.) There have been a (diaper) rash of tweens popping up on the radio.
Don’t believe me? Evidence here, here, and here.
I especially like when these little...
1 tag
Rant - October 18th
Hunting for contact solution
Last night after getting home from watching Boardwalk Empire, Mad Men, Eastbound and Down, and a bit of some movie with Toby, I realized I was out of contact solution. Face palm. It was particularly annoying considering I passed two Walgreen’s to get home and could have gotten solution there. Double face palm.
Luckily there’s a Jewel and Dominick’s...
1 tag
Rave - October 11th
The Belmont Trans-vestites/sexuals
Okay, this directly contradicts an earlier post about how they were making me uncomfortable by selling the oochie wally in clear view of my innocent eyes.
But last night on my way home from watching the Vikings/Jets game with Toby (names changed to protect the innocent), I was treated to their glorious presence. While waiting for the bus, one with Kool-Aid red...
1 tag
Rant - October 11th
Brett Favre
Seriously. Brett was particularly annoying last night during the Vikings/Jets game. Part of my annoyance was the milestones he kept achieving. At one point, they’re crowing about how he just crossed the 70,000 mark in passing yards. Then seconds later, he fumbled and the ESPN guys are talking about how it’s his 171 career fumble (the most in NFL history.) Finally, he...
1 tag
Rave - Sept. 30th
Never being able to erase this image and video from my head.
Heavens above. I stumbled across this video while reading my personal favorite, dlisted. Any time I need to laugh so hard my abs feel like I just got punched by the Incredible Hulk, I read it. Love love love it.
Anyway, Busty Heart was listed as the hot s**t (must keep this SFW) of the day. From the picture alone I knew she was a...
1 tag
Rant - Sept. 30th
The Red Line and the Belmont Stop
This one has been building for some time. The Red Line is on my LAST nerve. I’ll admit, I need it to get around the city being sans car and all.
However, that Line is full of crazy people. Worse than the 22 or 36 bus (and that’s saying something because the tap-dancing drunk who sips Listerine rides those. I inner-clap for him.) Every time I’m...
September 2010
10 posts
1 tag
Rave - Sept. 19th
Yom Kippur Dinner
Yesterday I joined my friends Jenn, Robby, Drew, Greg, Stuart, and Stacy for Yom Kippur dinner. Having never celebrated before, I wasn’t sure what to expect, but was very excited.
In an effort to be a full participant, I decided to fast from sundown Friday to sundown Saturday. Since I typically eat 8 times a day, this didn’t really work out. I ended up breaking...
1 tag
Rant - Sept. 19th
I got Iced at dinner.
I’m serious. It was such a horrible way to break the fast.
I suppose in the grand scheme of things it was bound to happen. Even though the Icing phenomenon has been around for awhile, I managed to escape it. I can’t even recall anyone being Iced in front of me.
So it was quite a surprise when I was asked to pass someone a pillow and found a chilled Smirnoff...
1 tag
Rave - Sept. 18th
Sailing the high seas (aka Lake Michigan)
I sail. I am a sailor. I have joined the ranks of sailors.
But seriously though. On Friday afternoon, I learned how to sail. I’m so proud of myself. I went out with my friends Rita and Alex E. for his birthday. Rita found a deal which got us three hours of sailing lessons.
Let me assure you, I’m very nautical. From my striped sweater to my...
1 tag
Rant - Sept. 18th
Body aches
I felt like I got hit with a sack of laundry. My legs were aching from holding myself up when the boat would list to the side. My back and arms hurt from pulling up the sails and tying down various ropes. Even my hands hurt from steering the boat. That rudder is a fighter.
Still I felt like a Kennedy. I’ll deal.
1 tag
Rave - Sept. 16th
The American
I saw this movie on Tuesday night and am a big fan. Initially, I didn’t know much about it. The trailers I saw didn’t give much away. My thought was, “George Clooney. Assassin. Italy. Tension. I’ll see that.”
My friend, Alex, and I saw it together. He tried (unsuccessfully) to talk me into Machete. My thought on THAT was, “Lindsay Lohan is in it....
1 tag
Rant - Sept. 16th
Allergies & The Neti Pot
I should have expected this. It’s Fall (or as close as Chicago comes to a Fall.) And like clockwork, my allergies have decided to get all riled up. In typical fashion, I’ve got a headache and my nose is stuffy, yet running.
Enter the Neti Pot. This little do-hickey is quite a miracle worker. It almost always clears up any sinus issues. But using it is a...
1 tag
Rave - Sept. 7th
Maude
As I type this, I’m laughing. A little bit at Bea Arthur (RIP Bea!) and a little bit at myself. Last Christmas, my sister bought the first season of Maude for me. Admittedly, I was excited. I figured if Golden Girls showcased Bea in an ensemble, Maude would be a whole different trip to the mall.
I COULDN’T HAVE BEEN MORE CORRECT.
This show is amazing. Even the dated jokes...